Being Raw

There are many types of friendships, but the one that I’m in need of right now is someone that I can show all of my cards to without the fear of judgement, or guiding me towards a certain solution. Someone that I can be raw with. Someone that can witness me in all of my shipwrecked glory and be okay. And know that I’ll be okay. Because I’ve been alone for most of my life – I know how to navigate. I know how to get myself out of situational depression, and real depression, and tough spots, everyday dilemmas. But what I don’t have is someone to witness me, and to be let in on the secret of who I am and all of the pieces that are making up my life at any given time.

I have friends that are going through tough spots, and I witness and navigate with them. But because they’re still figuring out how to stand on their own, when I bring up my dilemmas they pivot, or give me an answer, or push it off as someone else’s problem. Then I witness their reaction – and stop sharing. Because I know that this is their way of saying that this conversation has no place in their world right now. I often already know an answer that I’m leaning towards, or I’m simply sharing an experience that has already passed and that this is how I dealt with it – but I’m not even allowed to get that far. I can’t share all of the pieces because I’m cut off before I can begin. Let me lay it all out there. Yes, I want your input, but I don’t need answers. Go through the puzzle pieces with me – I don’t need you to do the entire puzzle for me.

Let me show you who I am, how I navigate life, and share my life with you. It’s all in my head, and I’m tired of being the only one in the middle of it all. React to the stupidity of it, share in the shock of it, laugh at the hilarity of it, hold me because it’s tough right now and know that I know that it will be okay. Just hold the space for me to be able to react, digest, and maneuver. And let me know that you see the complexity of it too. That I’m not alone.

Shipwrecked treasure: It’s surrounded by evidence of sorrow, tragedy, what-if’s, ghosts, and the finality of it all; but the beauty is right there to be found. It glimmers. Navigate the waters with me, and find what we both know is there – we just have to sort through the beautiful wreckage of life to get there.

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