Word Vomit #1

Heart strings. Confusion. Winging it. Follow through. Faith. Openness. Communication. Who you are. Hope. Expansion. Smiles. Boundaries. Individuality. Beauty. Looking forward. Enjoying the Now. Magnetism. What I know. Slow. Doorstep. Threshold. Whole. Compartmentalization. Your voice. Joy. Laughter. Faith, again.

It’s crazy how I can miss something that is with me, always. Hours on end still leave me wanting. A void created by reason and logic. Distance creating energy, uncertainty, and hopefulness all at once. Meeting our selves without expectation. Discovering our imperfections, accepting, and moving forward as whole human beings.

There are so many things that run through my mind thinking of what is. Now. So much that I’ve already shared, written, and still so much just on the tip of my tongue. Things that I don’t want to project, things that I’m hesitant to hope for, things that I don’t want to press – if only to enjoy this slow discovery.

Questions to myself are the ones of how I should move forward with you now present in my life? Before you, I had a plan. And now that plan seems like a distraction…but I shouldn’t put life on hold until the void is removed…right? But can I genuinely continue on as if you never arrived? How? Do I air on the side of the possibility that we may end up not working out, or ending before it begins, becoming just friends and nothing more? Is that how I can move forward? Or do I revel in this time of discovery with you? Knowing that you’re reaching out to me just as much as I’m reaching out to you.

The distractions have already begun, but do I engage? It seems as if whenever something begins developing, these distractions appear. Asking, “How much do you want this? Can you be distracted from the potential of what’s in front of you? If so, how much do you really care?” And how do I answer these questions when we are telling ourselves that we need to take this slowly. To develop our individual foundations – and rightly so. To dampen the intensity.

What I see in you. What I want for myself. How we connect. I watch you close your eyes. I see relief, happiness, restrain, hope, resolve. “Just a thought,” you say.

There are so many ways that this can progress – And above all, I would love for you to be my best friend.


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